


Fuck it's Heathers

by Anonymous



Series: Fuck it's Musicals [2]
Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, F/M, FUCK, FUCKIN G, Heather Chandler can step on me, Heather Duke is a bitch she's lucky she's cute tho, I would be Martha's friend, I'll still be updating tho!, ILL START UPDATING REGULARLY, Kurt and Ram are shitbags tbh, M/M, MARTHA HONE Y, MARTHA YOU GO SWEETIE YOU GO GET YOUR HORSE WITH WINGS, Making this series anonymous, Martha doesn't desERVE THIS SHIT ???, Okay so updates are gonna take a while because, She could stab me and I'd thank her, crackfic, god i hate myself, have you heard her voice like slaY, i should've stopped at BMC, im back bitches, okay but Ms.Fleming is a queen ??, shit I gotta deal with, so I can focus on serious works, sorta - Freeform, this is a shit fic why are you reading this, woAH ANOTHER ONE
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2018-12-04 01:48:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: So your best friend won't shut the fuck up about this musical Heathers, but you don't want to listen to the songs, watch the bootleg, or the movie? Well strap on in kiddies and shut the fuck up because this is Heathers and shits gonna hit the fan and get fucked up and it'll probably take over your life you musical freak





	1. Man I wish I was hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't plan on making this a series and I most likely won't be doing anymore of these until I find the right inspiration 
> 
>  
> 
> bu t
> 
> One of my friends is an inSANE HEATHERS FAN LIKE WO W
> 
> So
> 
>  
> 
> This is for you sweaty ;)))

Well.

If you read my first fic you know what kind of bullshit to expect

 

Let's get on with it.

So ya open to this successful, smart highschool senior Veronica Sawyer, a furious ball of sass and dorkiness wrapped in like three scarves and a sweater but she still slays like Veronica could roast me and I'd thank her 

And she attends just the shiTTIEST SCHOOL YOUVE EVER HEARD OF

WESTERBURG HIGH

THIS SCHOOL FUCKING SUCKS ALL THE KIDS GOT A BIG OL STICK UP THEIR ASS LIKE JESUS CALM YOUR TITS AND DONT BE SUCH A DICK GOD

Even the teachers are fucking suicidal oh my god

Apparently in this school if you ain't hot you ain't shit, it's a classic popular-hot-kids-versus-ugly-nerds thing 

So Veronica wishes she could be popular and hot so life wouldn't suck ass 

We meet Ram Sweeney, a linebacker with a lunch-tray-slapping kink whose gay for his quarterback/husbando 

Veronica roasts him and it's fucking great oh my god 

Then we meet Martha Dunnstock 

Where do I begin with this girl

She's the living breathing embodiment of a freshly baked cinnamon roll with Pom-pom earrings, a pink unicorn sweater and loves The Princess Bride oh my god bless her beautiful pure soul

Veronica and Martha have been friends since they were babies, and they're so pure oh my god

So they're talking when suddenly,, GASPU !! Kurt Kelly, Ram's quarterback/husbando, apPEARS !!

And he fucking knocks Martha's tray out of her hand and calls her a Dumptruck what the fuck welcome to your tape bitch 

Apparently, Martha is bullied a lot because of her weight and nerdiness my babY N O 

But Sass™ is noT HAVING THAT SHIT AND FUCKING ROASTS KURT TO A CRISP FUCKING GOD DAMN

But Kurt just laughs at her because of a pimple and everyone sides with him because people are fucking stupid this generation smh 

 

Suddenly,,, GASPU !! The most popular girls in school, the Heathers !!

All three girls are coincidentally named Heather as a popular girl stereotype and it's fucking hilarious 

They're also color coded with their clothes and signature hair scrunchies so it's like a rainbow cult jfc 

There's yellow, Heather McNamara, who's rich af because her dad sells wedding rings and honestly ?? She's the least shittiest of the Heathers you'll see

Green, Heather Duke, who's only popular cause she got implants and now she has big tits lmao

And then the red mythic bitch herself, HeatheR "CORN NUTS" CHANDLER, WHOS A BITCH

And Veronica thinks

"Wow I wish I was hot like them damn they look hot af I mean what I'm not gay"

Sure sweaty, sure you aren't 

McNamara and Chandler are waiting in the bathroom while Duke is throwing up because she has,,,bulimia 

Sweaty,, are you okay ??

Chandler calls Duke a bitch and says bulimia isn't hot what the fuck but McNamara suggests Duke should see a doctor see what I mean yes you go hun 

Ms.Fleming, a teacher and friendly neighborhood queen™ at Westerburg, catches them there past the bell and is immediately gonna write them up you slay girl

But then Veronica walks in on the scene and, seeing an opportunity to become popular, quickly forges a pass for the four of them on a piece of paper 

She's also insanely good at forgery ?? So Ms.Fleming lets them go

"Whoa who tf are you" asks Chandler

"I'm Veronica Sawyer the sass queen™" replies Veronica

Veronica wants to sit at the Heathers table just for day so kids would leave her alone, but they notice that underneath all her scarves and sweaters that,,, holy fuCK SHE COULD BE HOT

So the Heathers decide to take Veronica under their wing and give her new clothes and makeup like what were the Heathers just carrying a full extra outfit around a school

So after her makeover, everyone at school realizes Veronica is hot, so she officially becomes the blue Heather and becomes popular af in like 7 seconds

 

This definitely won't end well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just image Ram has a lunch-tray-slapping kink and Kurt is just aggressively slapping lunch trays in bed with Ram next to him I'm fuckjng crying


	2. Veronica honey no

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WhoA LATE UPDATE

So a few days have past and Veronica's all hot and popular and her life doesn't suck ass anymore lmao 

Because remember kids, if you're hot, life is great 

ANYWAYS

Veronica bumps into Martha during lunch and apologizes for not talking to her as often anymore yoU WHA T

But Martha, being the cinnamon roll too good and pure for this world goddamnit, forgives her immediately because she's hanging out with the Heathers Martha honey no you're just as beautiful and worthy of Veronica's time as the Heathers I don't know why I'm crying in the club rn 

And right on cue, Duke walks up and calls Veronica back to the table no don't leave Martha alone ??

So back at the table, Chandler asks Veronica to forge a note for her and makes Duke lean over so Veronica could use her back as a table and not even joking what the fuck 

Chandler also tells Duke to shut up a lot so Duke's life must suck

And for this scene McNamara's just kinda standing there all cute and awkward

McNamara's adorably-awkward poses is my aesthetic™

Also Kurt and Ram are gay in the background it's not important but you needed to know

The note is basically a fake invitation to Ram's homecoming party and a fake love confession from him,, tO MARTHA N O

When Veronica realizes this, she immediately refuses to give it to her because apparently Martha had a crush on Ram since kindergarten when he was actually nice (and straight)

The Heathers get pissed off af and start aggressively dancing and singing to Veronica I mean that's how I get rid of my anger of courS E

And hohO BOY VERONICA'S NOT EXPECTING SASS™ STRONGER THAN HERS BECAUSE SHES SPEECHLESS FOR PRACTICALLY THE WHOLE SONG

Or maybe she realized her inner gay

Chandler somehow gets the note to Martha and Martha runs up to Veronica gushing about the homecoming party my sweet baby no oh my god 

Veronica gives in and doesn't tell Martha that it's fake honey it's only the second song don't scREW UP YOUR LIFE JUST YE T

 

FU C K

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: if you blast 'Candy Store' I have a 99.99999% chance of singing along


	3. hOLY SHIT HOT EMO BOI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica has a bad-boy kink or something smh

After that, this mysterious emo spicy boi in a trench coat appears who saw the whole thing go down and comments that she shouldn't let herself get corrupted by them and quotes Baudelaire spicY 

Veronica's like "Wait don't act hot then walk away wtf I didn't catch your name"

"I didn't throw it," replies mystery emo boi hot damn Sass™ has met her match

Kurt and Ram see this and get McTriggered™ because they think Veronica's into him (which they're right) and Kurt wants to kick his ass

But Ram, being the voice of reason of their relationship and trying to control his husbando, says they're seniors and too old for beating up emo bois psh cmon Kurt get with the program that's for 11-16 year olds 

Of course, Kurt doesn't listen and goes over to harrass Angst™, and Ram joins in to because support but Ram honey you don't support things like that

Angst™ calls them assholes and they get McTriggered™x2 and go to beat him up buT HE KNOCKS THE FUCK OUTTA THEM HOLY SHIT W H

HE STRAIGHT UP BITCH SLAPS THEM WITH A BOOK WU A

Veronica sees this and she's like "hot damn"

So Kurt and Ram get shrekt, Ram acts gay and Kurt makes fun of him nO STOP IT LET HIM BE GAY SUPPORT YOUR HUSBANDO

Later at Veronica's house she and the Heathers are playing croquet because why not 

Chandler comments about Veronica drooling over the new emo boi and Veronica's mom doesn't like the Heathers because she doesn't want Veronica to change and they're terrible people tbh (well, Chandler and Duke at least)

Veronica's mom says Martha is there for her and that she's her friend, but Veronica says she wants more out of life what the fuCK

VERONICA YOU GOT MARTHA HOW LUCKY CAN YOU GET

Goddamnit Veronica sweaty n o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just because I'm a curious shitposter if you were eating while reading this, comment below what were you eating 
> 
> I was eating a bowl of cheerios while writing


	4. The angsty exposition song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys !! I'm so sorry for lack of new chapters, I'm visiting family ! I'll definitely be trying to post more soon !

So now we're at a 7-Eleven, where Chandler screams at Veronica about bq cornnuts or some shit smh I mean me too but smh 

Then,, GASPU !! There's the spicy boi™ that Veronica's kokoro goes doki doki for !!

The wannabe Keith Kogane offers to buy her a slurpee but she declined because she wants a big gulp (if ya know what I mean hephpehdeorhelehep)

Finally, we learn that his name is Jason Dean, J.D for short, and that he recently moved to Ohio with his dad, who runs a de-construction company and blows stuff up its lit 

And then Chandler screams at Veronica to hurry her ass up jfc

J.D wants her to ditch them and hang out with him and she declines wtf Veronica he's hot i mean if I was straight and not in a relationship I'd totally hit that 

ANYWAYS

Veronica has no idea why he loves 7-Eleven so much and noW TIME FOR HIS TRAGIC BACKSTORY

He basically explains that he's always hopping from state to state due to his dad's job, and so he doesn't bother remembering anyone or trying to make friends because he knows he'll leave eventually aw sweaty :(((

And he loves 7-Eleven because it's lit™ and slurpees distract him from his crappy life I mean it's true tho think about it

Have you ever had a sad thought while having a brain freeze like you can be sad before and after but during the brain freeze you're content

Anyways, Veronica comments about his mom and we learn that J.D's mom is deAD (awkward af) 

J.D fights with his dad, and he pays rent and cooks himself his life sucks ass 

He also implies he had voices in his head and he's suicidal?? Sweaty,,, are you okay ???

Anyways, he offers Veronica a sip of his slurpee and she gets a brain freeze lmao 

At the moment, Chandler walks in and practically drags Veronica away and she says goodbye to J.D 

Well hot damN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but my 2 year old nephew is the cutest thing you've ever seen he says "Eureka!" a loT and I taught him how to do fingerguns™ I'm so proud


	5. BROOOOO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please drink responsibly kiddies
> 
>  
> 
> (Also, sorry for the late update!! I've been visiting relatives, family drama, anxiety, yada yada yada, and insomnia aw yis)

Now we're at Ram's house where the no-homo bros are getting ready for the party while dads are giving them a hard time before going on a fishing trip together sounds gay hfpdjwlehepehoeh ;)))

 

And whaddayA KNOW THE DADS ACT KINDA GAY TOO 

 

Why am I like this

 

They basically say to keep the noise down and treat the house with respect etc etc

 

Also Ram calls his dad "dude"?? I mean if I did that my dad would beat the shit outta me lmao my parents don't fuck around 

 

Once they leave, all the kids sudDENLY RUN IN LIKE JESUS WERE THEY JUST WAITING OUTSIDE THE WHOLE TIME 

 

All the kids are ready to party hard™ and Veronica's failing to drink tequila right jfc she's 17

 

Some guy says she's hot and she's like "woAH" me too

 

Also wtf they got their hands on weed jfc does connor murphy go to westerburg 

 

And Veronica's an oblivious bean who doesn't know what third base is aw 

 

Ram humps a piñata 

 

It's not important to the story but it's important nonetheless 

 

And then he tries to hump Duke what the fucK BRO

 

Luckily, Veronica steps in and she tells him freshman snuck into the party and he runs off to falcon punch em because he hates freshmen apparently lmao 

 

But Duke is a bitcH and flips Veronica off tf she just saved you

 

And Martha shows up oH DANG DANG DIGGITY DANG-A-DANG MARTHA HONEY N O

 

Veronica pulls Martha aside for a moment and discovers that she plans to confess to Ram and she brought sparkling cider for him oh honeY N O

 

So Martha rushes off and finds Ram (who's still looking for the freshmen lmaO) and he says to her that people wouldn't hate her so much if she acted normAL WHAT THE FUCK BROOOO

 

And he also spits the cider in her faCE RAM YOU TWINK IMMA SLAP YOUR CORNNUTS RIGHT OFF HUNTY

 

MARTHA DOESNT DESERVE THIS SHI T

 

Okay so now they got a pig piñata that's their rival school's mascot and they're looking for volunteers to take the first swing whoA

 

And McNamara saying "piñataaaah" in the bootleg is my aesthetic tbh 

 

And- well buTTER MY BISCUITS CHANDLER OFFERS MARTHA TO TAKE THE FIRST SWING AND ALL THE KIDS ARE CHEERING HER ON A W

 

Maybe this school isn't so bad :))

 

yeET WHILE MARTHA IS BLINDFOLDED THEY PUT A WIG AND GLASSES ON THE PIG AND A TAG SAYING "MARTHA DUMPTRUCK" WHAT THE FUCK I HOPE YOU FUCKERS BURN IN HELL

 

Well finALLY, Sass™ is doNE ANd takes the piñata away, throws it in the pool, and convinces Martha to go home before they could hurt her more yes sweatY SAVE YOUR TOMODACHI

 

So Chandler gets McTriggered™ and Veronica had too much to drink and she high-key thrOWS UP ALL OVER HER IM LIVING BLESSED DA Y

 

Chandler: roblox death sound

 

So she calls off the truce with Veronica in front of everyone and are probably gonna high-key kill her

 

Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ow oO F
> 
>  
> 
> Okay but seriously it's 2:49 am I have insomnia and anxiety-caused hypnic jerks so im de a d


	6. JD GETS SHREKT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JD HONEY USE PROTECTION 
> 
>  
> 
> HEY DOUBLE UPDATE TO MAKE UP FOR LATE CHAPTERS AYYY
> 
>  
> 
> But it is kinda short :,((

So high-key Veronica is probably gonna die on Monday so she's freaking out And of course you know the _real_ logical choice

GET FUCKING SMASHED YEEEE

 

So Veronica high-key breaks into J.D's house through the window (wH ???) and just

 

J.D: Veronica what are yo-

 

Veronica: shHSHSHSHDHSH

 

J.D:

 

Veronica: smash me

 

J.D: okay

 

So 

 

They smash ;)))))))

 

;)))))

 

But I mean seriouSLY VERONICA'S AN INTENSE AS FUCK POWER BOTTOM SHES LIKE PRACTICALLY A TOP AND J.D'S A BOTTOM OH MY GOD

 

She is aggressivE LIKE J.D CAN HARDLY KEEP UP IM SORRY FOR THE MENTAL IMAGE BUT JESU S

 

AND SHES A VIRGI N

 

Hey but it's okay Veronica took her pill, I'm pretty sure J.D used protection, so it's all okay stay safe out there kiddies don't do anything I wouldn't do ;)))

 

Ha get it cause im ace 

 

It was funnier in my head but I snorted so

 

Don't be silly, wrap your willy 

 

No glove no love

 

Wrap it before you tap it

 

Don't be a fool, cover your tool

 

;))))

 

(;))))))))))))))))

 

Okay I'm done bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone gets this poor boi some ice for his crotch


	7. Tfw u kill ur best friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smh J.D hunty no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for late updates! I've been working hard on private originals lately and just swamped with work ghsbfshtg

Okay so after having sex all night (a moment of silence for J.D's dick), Veronica has a nightmare about Chandler telling the school she slept with J.D and she decides the best thing to do is go apologize to Chandler for the shit that went down

 

And J.D goes with her to ~~kill Chandler~~ support Veronica of course 

 

So they're at Chandlers house (after Veronica broke into J.D's I'm not even gonna question how they got in) and Chandler is hungover as fU C K

 

So Chandler says she'll consider forgiving her if she fixes up a hangover cure for her

 

And Veronica spits in the mug shE GOT EM

 

But J.D pulls out liquid drain cleaner and it's at this time you get very uncomfortable and disturbed by him

 

But I mean if you're dead your hangover is cured :))

 

J.D pours it into a mug and calls Veronica a chicken when she refuses to give it to her wtf bro

 

J.D puts the drain cleaner down next to the hangover cure and kisses Veronica awww :)))

 

But then Chandler yells at them such a cockblock smh 

 

And Veronica accidentally grabs the mug with drainer cleaner oH SHIT

 

ANS JD SEES BUT DOESNT STOP HER BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

 

UM JD HUNTY YOU NEED TO STOP THIS SHIT I LOVE YOU SWEATY BUT WHAT THE FUVK

 

Chandler drinks the shit and shE STARTS CHOKING FUCK

 

Also her last words are corn nuts um 

 

Ive never tried them are they really that good comment below 

 

So Chandler is dead now uh

 

"CORN! NUTS!" -Heather Chandler, 1972-1989~

 

So Veronica's freaking the fuck out and J.D's disturbingly calm uM

 

VERONICA THATS A PRETTY BIG RED FLAG GET OUTTA THER E

 

But J.D says they could cover it up by staging a suicide aND ONCE AGAIN

 

U M

 

JD WHAT RHE FUCK THIS IS SOME SOCIOPATHIC SHIT

 

While coming up for ideas for the fake suicide note, Veronica jokes about Chandler on her period and laughs at her own joke so long that she forgets the situation she's in me too 

 

So J.D's like "bitch we could go to jail" and Veronica grabs Chandler's notebook and forges a suicide note, but claims that she was actually a good person who was just mean to cover up her own insecurities and gives away all her stuff to people in need aW

 

So they skiddadle and the cops show up and buy it woAH THAT WAS EASY

 

And my quEEN MS FLEMING COmes over like "wtf our kids are dying we gotta talk about feelings" and she prints out copies of the suicide note to get students to open up yes you go Ms.Fleming slay honey you're doing great

 

McNamara is shocked that Chandler felt that way but Duke couldn't give a shit because of how much of a bitch Chandler treated her and just gets interviewed on every news station to ever exist jfc

 

Veronica and J.D are at his house and his dad walks in and he's just,,, really, really unsettling

 

So it's awkward and tense between J.D and his dad for a bit and Veronica says she should head home because her mom's making dinner

 

And J.D mentions the last time he saw his mom, she was waving out a library window ?? Wh ??

 

So Veronica zoomS OUTTA THERE BECAUSE DISCOMFORT ME TOO

 

 

So uh

 

fuck 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working at Coldstone is hard okay
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I've just been lacking motivation to write. This was for a friend who really wanted to read this, but I just ain't feeling as energetic and motivated with it as I did with BMC so
> 
> sORRY FOR MY CRAP WRITING


	8. High-key harassment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the fuC K

Okay so where were we

 

JD and Veronica had violent sex, JD "accidentally" killed Chandler, Veronica accidentally helped, and they forged a suicide note so they wouldn't get caught

 

 

God this is a fucked up musical wtf 

 

 

BUT MOVING ON

 

 

McNamara calls Veronica and tells her she's at the cemetery and she doesn't elaborate, but says it's an emergency awe sweetie :(((

 

 

So Veronica, being the actual decenT PERSON SHE IS LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK GOEs to help her

 

 

McNamara is in her car outside of the cemetery and explains to her through the window that Duke, Kurt, Ram and her went to the cemetery to pour a jug of Thunderbird onto her grave because that's what u do when ur bff dies smh 

 

 

But long story short Kurt and Ram drank it all lmao 

 

 

Duke and Ram ran off somewhere ;)))) but Kurt kept grabbing McNamara and wouldn't stop wtf bitch back tf off before I smack you

 

 

So McNamara called Veronica because he promised to leave her alone if she came whAT THE FUCK UM ???

 

 

So Veronica tries to leave, Kurt blocks the way, Duke shows up with Ram and she's apparently done with him, and they proceed to high-keY HARASS VERONICA TRYING TO HAVE A THREESOME WHAT KIND OF ABSOLUTE FUCKERY IS THIS

 

 

OKAY BUT TBH KURT AND RAM ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE MM-MM HONEY NO THANKS

 

 

So Veronica knocks on the car window trying to get Duke and McNamara to let her in but theY DONT WT F

 

Veronica gives them another drink as a distraction then sneaks off while they get even more drunk and pass out dam n 

 

 

Okay what the fuck 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Ram need to stop tbh the fanon redeems them but they're honestly shitbags
> 
>  
> 
> OkaY BUT CONSIDER THIS
> 
>  
> 
> Heathers!Au where everythings the same except J.D is Guy Fieri
> 
>  
> 
> It's 2am im tired


	9. SHIT HITS THE FAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OUR LOVE IS GOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, it's been a while since I've updated! Sorry for the wait !!

Okay so Veronica was high-key harassed by Dumb and Dumber™ and she confronts McNamara and Duke the next day with a fresh roast

 

Duke and McNamara are cleaning out Chandler's locker, but before sass™ can desTROY THose hoes, Duke pulls out Chandler's red scrunchie and whOA now Duke is the lead Heather

 

 

McNamara tells Duke that she shouldn't take it because it's Chandlers scrunchie but Duke tells her to stfu tag urself im McNamara

 

J.D shows up and Veronica then finds out from Duke that Kurt and Ram have been spreading the word about their "three-way" last night and Veronica just like, "bitch what nothing happened" 

 

And right oN CUE LIKE MAGIC THEY MAGICALLY POP OUT ON STAGE AND THE WHOLE SCHOOL STARTS HARRASSING VERONICA AND CALLING HER A SLUT AND A WHORE WHAT THE FUVK

 

OUR SPICY BOI GETS SICK OF THIS SHIT AND TRIES TO FALCON PUNCH KURT BUT RAM AND ANOTHER GUY GANG UP ON HIM AND DECK HIM NOT MY EMO BOYFRIEND

 

 

VERONICA STEPS IN AND PUSHES THEM AWAY BUT THEY KEEP HARRASSING THEM UNTIL FINALLY TEACHERS SHOW UP AND PULL EVeryone away from them and

 

 

Veronica checks to see if he's okay and starts crying sweetie no :((((

 

 

J.D wipes away her tears and he starts crying too, saying he'll get them back for hurting her aw :)

 

 

But he also says that their love is god so um

 

 

Mildly concerning

 

 

ANYWAYS

 

 

Veronica calls up Kurt and Ram and tells them she wants to meet them at the cemetery and have a three-way at dawn and um 

 

 

I'm ace so I wouldn't know but I'm pretty sure a cemetery is not the most appropriate place for a threeway hunty 

 

 

A bit more concerning

 

 

So then J.D goes and brings back to Veronica two guNS WHAT IN TARNATION

 

 

VERY CONCERNING UM WHAT THE FUCK 0 TO 10000 REAL QUICK THERE 

 

 

So Veronica is just like "whoa shit bro are those real"

 

 

J.D says yeah but shrugs it off, saying he replaced the bullets with powerful tranquilizars called Ich Lüge bullets (do a quick google translate for that German for a surprise)

 

 

The plan is to basically knock Kurt and Ram out so it looked like a suicide attempt, and embarrass them in front of everyone by forging a fake suicide note saying they were in a secret relationship together gAY

 

 

So Veronica goes and meets them at the cemetery and just when Kurt and Ram strip down and are about to strip Veronica boOM J.D POPS OUT AND VERONICA PULLS OUT THE GUN AND THEY BOTH SHOOT AT THEM OO F

 

 

J.D shoots Ram direCTLY IN THE CHEST and he falls down, but Veronica misses and Kurt freaks the fuck out and runs off, with J.D chasing him 

 

 

But fuVKING RAM ISNT MOVING SO VERONICA STARTS TO GET CONCERNED UM RAM SWEETIE GET UP 

 

VERONICA TRIES TO WAKE UP RAM AND REALIZES HES FUCKING DEAD WHILE JD IS STILL CHASING KURT OH FUVK 

 

 

JD FINALLY CATCHES UP TO KURT AND SHOOTS HIM FU C K

 

 

VERONICA FREAKS OUT AND SHES JUST LIKE "WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK" AND LIKE HAS A BREAKDOWN

 

 

JD FUVKING JUST HUG HER REPEATING "OUR LOVE IS GOD" UNTIL VERONICA STARTED SAYING IT WITH HIM UM IT SCARED ME SO MUCH MY BLOOD WENT COLD AND I WAS SO FUVKINH SCARED

 

 

HOLY SHIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL FUCK END OF ACT 1 BITCHE S


	10. HA GAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *BANGING POTS AND PANS* I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SONS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACT 2 BITCHES

Okay so where tf was I 

 

oH YEAH

 

JD IS A FUVKING SOCIOPATH WHO HIGH KEY MURDERED CHANDLER, RAM, AND KURT BECAUSE THEY FUCKED WITH VERONICA GOD DAMN HE A BIT TOO LOYAL

 

So now Veronica spoke at their funeral for a bit and Martha was heartbroken of course sweetie no :(((

 

Also everyone found the note saying they were gay and Kurt's dad Paul Kelly was like "broo tf our sons were gay ew" 

 

but Ram's dad Bill Sweeney like bitch slapped him and was like "yoU FUCKER OUR SONS WERE SO BRAVE THEYRE GAY AND I LOVE THEM HALLELUJAH" and it's lit aS FUCK ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SONS LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

 

AND HE REVEALS THAT HE AND PAUL HOOKED UP ONE SUMMER GASPU I FUVKING CALLED IT

 

AND FUVKJNG BILL STRAIGHT UP GOES AND MAKES OUT WITH HIM RIGHT THERE DURING THE SONG JM SCREAMING AND THEY GET TOGETHER DJDHKGLF

 

SLAMS TABLE MY GAY SONS YES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter heyo


	11. Man we're minors wtf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK BITCHES

OH GOD maN ITS BEEN SO FUCKING LONG SINCE I DID AN UPDATE

 

IM ALI V E

 

So anyways I stopped at the gay funeral dads where were we

 

OH RIGHT

 

So our sociopath of the year pops up after the funeral like "omg see how awesome it was after we killed those gays-I mean guys"

 

And Veronica was like "mm yeah I guess :/"

 

But then J.D asks who's next uM BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

 

HE LEGIT WANTS TO KILL MORE PEOPLE UM VERONICA HONEY GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND DUMP HIS ASS

 

Veronica's like "babe wtf no we're not killing more ppl or im breaking up with you" abOUT TIME

 

J.D gets triggered™ Veronica asks when will it all stop and J.D says it'll only stop when every asshole at the school was dead anD WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO HIM ID BE ALREADY IN AUSTRALIA BY THAT POINT OF THE CONVERSATION

 

Veronica stresses that they're only seventeen waiT SO THEYRE STILL MINORS WHAT THE FUCK

 

Brandon Rogers' voice: Cmon man we're like 3 years old

 

Veronica's like "man we're fucked up but we're not special little snowflakes we can't kill people let's just be normal"

 

And J.D's like "goddamnit, hot gf or murder?"

 

He eventually agrees with Veronica and promises to stop his shit thank god

 

also btw J.D's dad blew up the building his mom was in when he was younger so his dad murdered his mom oopsies 

 

ALSO OOPSIES

 

Veronica finds Martha trying to open J.D's locker because she's growing suspicious over Kurt and Ram's death, insisting that they can't be gay because of the note Ram gave heR HONEY NO

 

Veronica goes apeshit because she's still scared J.D will kill people and kill Martha if she finds out what he did and she tells Martha straight out that shE was the one to forge the note 

 

O

O 

F

 

Martha runs off crying honEY N O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally back! I'll be updates might be a bit slow, I'm currently working on a serious DEH fic and I'll be preoccupied, I'm working hard on it and it's gonna be really angsty :)))


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